Cruz de Ferro – 1 October 2022

From nowhere the wave of emotion and tears swept over me on the visible approach to the Cruz de ferro – The Iron cross.

What was it ?

I had carried this stone in my right pants pocket from Cape Town – the stone I was to leave for Lee at the Cruz de Ferro.

It was not a particularly special stone it was the size of small coin – it was smooth and rounded with a slight chip on one side.

The companion stone to the Lee stone was another stone picked up along the trail yesterday – this represented all those who went before. Parents, grandparents uncles friends – we know who they are.

When the time came to part with the Lee stone it was difficult. I approached the top of the stone pile and just put them down when I disturbed and angered a man I did not see who was deep in some form of prayer. I retreated back from the pile , bewildered by the arbitrary anger. When the angry man left I returned to what I thought was the spot where the Lee and companion stones lay, I felt panic rise as I could not locate them in the mass of love expressed in rock and stone. I found them. Relief washed over me as I gently picked them up and placed them in a more appropriate prominent spot and said a few words, took a photograph and retreated once more.

What was it this wave of emotion that I felt then and feel again on reflection. It was the grief and sense of loss of my firstborn, the loss of a tortured son who did his best, the loss of someone I really loved and now in the wise words of Winnie the Pooh I’ll continue to carry Lee in my heart.